Stew Review
 by Leeming

I have a confession.  My name is John Leeming, and I'm a P1.  A Tickethead.

About four an a half years ago, I became sufficiently disgusted with FM radio in the Metroplex and begam seeking alternatives on the AM dial.  (I must give a
shout out to 88.7 KTCU, however.  I enjoy their programming - at select times - but reception where I live can be hit or miss.)  Keep in mind that this was
around June of 1996.  My beloved Rangers, of which I've been a long suffering fan, were on their way to the first division title in team history.  I couldn't get enough
baseball talk from friends and family, so I tuned in to the Little Ticket (1310 AM) and got hooked.

About the only sports radio I had been exposed to were the ramblings of Randy Galloway on WBAP 820 and assorted Rangers postgame shows.  I was not
prepared for what I heard, and I was more than pleasantly surprised.  What I was hearing was guy talk.  On slow days, the conversation would turn to movies,
women, weatherman reviews, and last but not least, music.  Now, that kind of talk is a staple of the station on virtually any day, as long as Bobby Knight isn't getting fired or Aikman has a good game.

One thing in particular I like about the Ticket is their dedication to the local music scene.  Every Friday at 6pm, the afternoon show (The Hardline) goes over the concert calender, giving their opinions on what shows are doable. Also, the bands/performers that have been on their station include Buck Jones, Pantera (huge Ticketheads), Deep Blue Something, Monte Montgomery, James McMurtry, Gene Simmons, Don Henley, Stone Temple Pilots,  Tommy Lee (a very funny interview), and an interview with the Brits from Travis. I know many local artists are frequenters of this website, so my advice to you is to ingratiate yourself to the Ticket.  Send them demos (preferably to Corby Davidson - a dude with great taste), show up at road shows, and most importantly, just tune in.  So, now that my affiliation is stated, let me get on to the show.

The weather certainly didn't cooperate with an outdoor festival, but that didn't stop about 200 Ticketheads from milling about on Main Street while the Ticket band took the stage.  The core of band is made up of guitarist Gordon Keith (by far the funniest radio personality in the area), bass player Danny Bailess (a virtuoso musician on almost any instrument and the producer of The Hardline), guitarist Steve Pourcari (former Ticket employee and former member of Toto), drummer
Pablo (that's all I know about him), and the two trombone players Mark Followill (cohost of The Ender) and Rich Phillips (morning Ticker guy).  In absentia
were Musers cohost Jub Jub (George Dunham, who was out of town to do a UNT  football broadcast), and Friendly Corby (who was at his bachelor party in
Las Vegas).  Both of these guitar players were sorely missed, but as they say, the band played on.

The show opened with "Curve It Around" (to the tune of "Dragging the Line"). It is an oblique homage to all things Ticket-related.  The Timewasters sounded
very good, especially considering the absences and the rain.  Next, Gordon Keith sang "Johnny Human" (with the voice of the fake Johnny Oates), which pokes fun of the fact that Oates is a cyborg without human emotions.  I must admit that this song plays better on radio, because part of the fun is imagining Johnny singing.  When you look at the Great Gordo and hear the voice of the alien Johnny Oates, the feeling is quite disconcerting.  The song is a good, however.

The order in which the rest of the songs were played elude me now (I was hampered from my note taking ritual by the rain), so I'll just run down the list with disregard to when they were played.

Mike Rhyner (cohost of The Hardline and former KZEW disc jockey) sang two songs.  One was a Steely Dan cover.  I was never much of a Steely Dan fan,
so I don't know the name of it.  I can say that it wasn't "Ricky Don't Lose That Number". The other was Bob Dylan's "Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues", a song that Rhyner became infatuated with after seeing a street guitarist in Cambridge, Mass. playing it near Harvard.  And, I must say, it was a masterful job on this night.
The Old Grey Wolf really nailed the vocals and the band was right with him.  Danny, in particular, did a great job on harmonica in this song.  Later in the set,
Rhyner returned to duet with Doug Anderson (cohost of The Ender) on Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues".  Wolf was true to form once again on the vocals,
while Doogie shouted the word out with the intensity of a guy picking a fight with a handicapped person.  Way to go, Doogie.  Actually, Doug is a big fan of
Texas music and this song was right up his alley (even though Cash is from Oklahoma).

Doug Anderson also sang the song that is the current champion of the Musical Ender contest on The Ender show.  This contest is dedicated to the song that
is an automatic ender whenever you hear it.  Past champions include King Missile and William Shatner.  But they have nothing on the current "winner".  The song
is "Rock and Roll McDonald's" by Wesley Willis.  It is one of those songs that is such a whip, but once it is stuck in your head, you might as well out on the
dress blues and polish up the old service revolver.  And Doogie nailed it.  To my surprise, many of the people in the crowd sang along.  To my chagrin, I was one of them.

Gen-X Davey Lane, he of the butchered afternoon Ticket Tickers, has one criterion when deciding which song he will sing.  It has to be a cheesy 80's song done
by someone who is ambiguously gay.  Past triumphs include the greatness of The Smiths ("Shoplifters of the World Unite") and The Cure (I think he did "Just Like
Heaven"). On this night, he outdid himself with the Pet Shop Boys "West End Girls". Dave did a real nice job with the vocals, and the music backing him up was great, but it is just a song that doesn't play well live.  After the song, he admitted to making some errors. "I made two mistakes", he said, "so that's pretty much like my average Ticker."

As mentioned before, Sweet-Sweet George Dunham was not at this performance, but that doesn't mean one of his signature songs wasn't played.  Gordon
Keith took the reins of Georgio's "Sweet Hardline", a tribute to Rhyner and Greggo's afternoon show, sung to the tune of Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline".  Gordo did an admirable job with the vocals, but without the Jub mystique, the song was a little lacking.  The song was terrific, but not Jub-erific.  And there is a difference.

Danny Bailess took over at one point in the show (yes - he was finally producing), and sang a Beatles cover ("I Feel Fine").  It was actually a set hightlight
with very nice vocals and it showed off his talents to an appreciative crowd.  Now if he would only practice his talents from 3pm-7pm weekdays on The Ticket, all would be right with the world.

Now it is time for my favorite moments of the act.  These are the three songs that were standouts for me, and all for different reasons.  I'll start with Dan
McDowell (cohost of BaD Radio) and his rap about the Gentle Musers' morning show done to the music of Blondie's "Rapture".  I first saw this song performed at
Ticketstock 2000, and it has yet to lose its appeal to me.  The words are hilarious, and on this night we were treated to the visual of Danny the Hardline Midget on stage holding the lyric sheet for Dan.  It was an unforgettable scene.  And the Body Shaper that McDowell has been taking seems to be working great.  Lookin' good, Dan.

The following was a surprise highlight.  Greg Williams (cohost of The Hardline) was the emcee throughout the show, and he was treated to a song written in jest
about he and his Harley.  There was a "bit" on the Ticket advertising a Greg Williams action figure called "Motorcycle Greggo".  The theme song of the ad was
played in full force with Danny Bailess on lead vocals and Gordon Keith (doing the Fake Greggo) on background vocals.  However, the true appeal to this song was
Steve Poucari's impromptu lead guitar.  He was really getting into it.  If only most of the local bands would get into their music as much as Pourcari did during this
token song, then the Metroplex music scene would be ten times better than it is.

Now, for the true highpoint.  The acme.  The apex of the evening.  "Points For Sex" sung by Descending Hunan vocalist (and Musers cohost) Craig "Junior" Miller.
This song is a truly mindless diatribe that has taken on legendary status among the P1 subculture.  Imagine a monotone singer (let's call him "Spank") screaming
out "Points for sex.  Points for sex.  Every single one of us - points for sex." It's hard to see the appeal unless you hear the final product.  But the true reason
for the song's popularity is Junior's Bono-induced semi-political rant in the middle of the performance. Tonight's model was from the movie "Rattle and Hum" and the song "Sunday Bloody Sunday".  I'm with you, Spank.  Where is the glory in taking a man from his bed after he has made love to his wife and taking his points away?  It's a question that had to be asked and you were just the man to do it.  God bless you.  And keep supporting those points for sex.  We all need them.  Also, take Cobra's advice and close with that song.

This turned out longer than I expected, but I can't stress enough how much fun I've had both times I've seen these guys play.  There are some great musicians at
The Ticket and it is obvious they do this all for fun.  (OK - so they are sponsered by Miller Lite.  Who cares?  It's a good beer.)  Wouldn't we all like to be in
a band that could do anything, any song, any way and not care what the movers and shakers think because we just want to have a good time?  And we want the audience to have an even better time?  Mission accomplished, guys.  Thank you.

Stay hard.

Leeming